Thursday, November 29, 2007

Then & Now

We put up our tree last weekend. We have to do it early or else it will never happen. We are pretty much booked until the New Year. But I just love the tree part. I never buy ornaments (maybe one for each kid) so all I have are from growing up and gifts. BIG memories with each and every one. Like the one on top. Teagen's 1st x-mas. I was broke, nursing her around the clock and practically never left the house. But I couldn't live with myself if she didn't have a "baby's 1st X-mas" ornament. It was a big deal for me to leave the house alone at that time. So that's what I think of when I see this one. And then to see how she has grow. Such treasures on my tree!
This is is also a season of lots of mixed and confused emotions for me. Some of the best and worst moments of my entire life have happened during the holidays.
We had the most amazing Holidays when I was growing up. Beautiful decor, 13 foot trees, lots of treats and more gifts than we ever could have dreamed. It was very important to my Mom. And it was perfect. But her diagnosis came around Thanksgiving. and Then when she died it was right before Christmas. Not my favorite time of years anymore. But later my 1st date with Jason was 2 days before Christmas. We went for Chinese food and then he took me to see some of the best light displays I have ever seen. We broke up that next summer and then got back together at Thanksgiving. He Asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve, sitting on his bedroom floor while I had curlers in my hair and tears in my eyes. Years later we finally set a date on a Christmas night. About 5 years later I miscarried a baby we wanted so badly right before Christmas. 2 years ago, we discovered I was pregnant for Grady on New Years Eve.
I am hoping for a less eventful holiday this year. Its so strange the balance of good times and hardship. I have earned these memories, good and bad. They all make me who I am. I am OK with that. It definitely explains the mood swings!


Anonymous said...

Okay now I could cry! I have shared a lot of these memories good and bad with you. They have made us stronger and closer and better moms beacause of it. I too hope that this x-mas has only good memories. And I pray that Reid can get through a family event without falling and biting his lip! love ya:) rachael

Kristin said...

That entry right there...that is why I like you so much. You are a great person and I am honored to be considered your friend. You could have "turned out" so different, but instead you "grew" from all of that hardship and became such a wonderful person, friend, mother, wife, etc. Your mom would be so proud! Have a wonderful holiday season!!! Remember having faith goes a long way.

Anonymous said...

Wow...You have me in tears. It IS a very difficult time for me also. I miss your MOM a alot. I do know she would be very proud of who you and Rachael have become. See you on Cookie Day.
More in and e-mail...
Love Ya....Auntie

Shelly said...

I can only imagine what it must be like missing and remembering your Mom so much. You are an amazing women and mother. Thanks so much for sharing!